#49: Falling Asleep in Public Places

It’s back to school time and that means shopping! Time to hit the local mall to make sure you get your latest fashion trends from American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Anthropology. I only shop at stores that start with the letter A. “Why do you even buy new clothes? You buy jeans that have more holes in them than your old clothes?” Dad inquires. Dad doesn’t understand the importance of looking good for the first day/week of school. If it was up to him, you’d be visiting the JC Penny clearance rack, Target, and the closet of your siblings for hand-me-downs. “This is a recession. New clothes are a privilege.” Thanks Dad

Dad reluctantly heads to the mall with you and mom because shopping needs to be a family activity in mom’s eyes. As you stroll through each store, Dad pulls the classic move of coming up with an excuse to wait outside the store. This is Dad’s sanctuary at the mall: the chair and couch lounge. Here you can see Dads pretending to watch the kids in the playpen as their eyes slowly close. “I was just dozing off.” Dads nod at each other as a new Dad arrives to the couch area as if to say “You got dragged here too? Welcome.”

Dad’s ability to “doze off” which is actually falling asleep in public places is uncanny. If its not the designated sofa area in the center of the mall, it’s the plastic chair at Forever 21, it’s the broken chair outside the waiting room at Macy’s, or best yet it’s standing up while in line at Nordstroms.

Now when you’re older, Dad participates in the back to school shopping not only because its easier to embarrass you ( I’m 18, why does Dad insist on helping me choose clothes ), but it also means you are buying lamps, TVs, couches and bedding for college and moving out. That requires Dad’s heavy lifting as well as his ability to try out every mattress or love seat at IKEA.

Where’d Dad go? As you scan the cabinets section at IKEA. 50 yards out, you spot Dad, face first in the display bed of the green serene room. “You gotta try this bed!” Dad murmurs. But in reality, he’d never spend $600 on your bed, but it sure helps pass the time while you decide if you want a white or black bedside table. Or do I get bold and choose a bright color? Dad doesn’t care because He’s catching up on his rest by testing out the leather sofa three sections over.