#41 Falling Asleep while Watching Golf

Thursday through Sunday tend to be the best days of the week. Thursday is last day of homework and the rest is the weekend because who honestly pays attention in class on Friday (that is, if you go)? The weekend is yours to sleep in, eat whatever is leftover in the pantry and watch trashy tv. That is, until you realize there is the big golf tournament on TV.

Dad has taken over the television room. He sets up a beer, plate of snacks (He took over the pantry too???) and settles into His Chair. Golf is the sport of Dads. Dad loves watching Sunday Football and the baseball games that are on all summer, but it is Golf that eases Dad through a weekend. Dad enjoys yelling "GET IN THE HOLE" at the TV set because that obviously increases the chance. It is a mental game, so Dad can relate to John Daly and the other golfers who are his size. But that doesn't mean Dad also doesn't think it's boring.

Dad lulls to sleep while watching golf. Guaranteed. But that doesn't mean Dad's not watching it. It's only the 12th hole, maybe I can watch my show real quick you ponder as you reach for the remote. "Don't even think about it" Dad mutters out without even opening his eyes. Darnit.

This is Dads relaxation weekend. The other weekends may be spent playing Golf, but that stresses and frustrates him too much. So this weekend, Dad will spend it leaving the golf to the pros. But don't change the channel, he's taking notes on the back of his eyelids.

#21 Waking up to Own Snoring

How is Dad always awake before you? Granted he does fall asleep while sitting on the couch, but every morning without fail, there he is: awake and ready to go. Sometimes you don't even hear Dad's alarm clock go off.

The secret is in Dad's sleeping patterns. Dad closes his eyes and starts to doze off. Dad's muscles relax and mouth opens slightly. His breathing slows down and becomes heavy. You notice his chest begin to move up and down like the robotic sleeping santa display that you've always wanted. Dad looks at peace while asleep.

That's when the sounds come out. It isn't your typical snoring sound that you and your friends make during a boring class presentation. Instead it has hints of dolphins dying and a 1960 VW Bug having trouble starting up. Mom relies heavily on her earplugs but still hears the consistent thunder from the other side of the bed. The snoring is even more prominent than your relaxing cd noises that you got from the white elephant game at Christmas time. How does Dad produce that type of snoring? It is these precise noises that cause Dad to wake up effortlessly. Because not only is Dad keeping you awake with this snoring, it also wakes himself up.

Dad abruptly wakes up to his snoring and either rolls over for round 2 of sleep or simply licks his lips, scans the room to see if anyone noticed, and sits up ready to face the day. Dad's body knows he must get up to either start cleaning the gutters or start on his massive breakfast because you had a friend sleep over. You should be thankful because now is when you can finally go to sleep and not wake up until 11, which Dad will kindly point out wasted half the day.