#127: Cleaning the Garage

Spring is knocking on the door (although these Midwest blizzards say otherwise) and moderately warm weather is around the corner. Where we come from, if it cracks 40 degrees and the sun is out, it might as well be a beach day in March. The first Saturday that meets these criteria, Dads everywhere descend on their last true domain of the house, the garage. Although Dad is the King of the Castle, the TV room gets taken over by the kids, the lawn is used by everyone, he barely can cook so the kitchen is out, but the garage is the last true place where Dads are the master. No one else likes going in there except him, but somehow all this crap gets piled up in there over the fall and winter. That is where the annual spring garage clean comes in.

You best avoid Dad when he is on his garage cleaning stint or else you will end up stacking ladders, or coiling up cords, or even worse hauling down lawn furniture from the upper levels of the garage. It isn't difficult work, it's just time consuming which is right in Dad's wheelhouse. Dad will spend hours organizing nails, hanging tools he never uses, and sweeping the garage floor of the last 364 days worth of crud. He will always do this work in groady sweatpants and a college sweatshirt older than you. Sometimes he may even bust out the jeans covered in old paint to get the job done. Whatever it is, Dad will be wearing functional and stylish (in his mind) clothes.

Dad will take at least a few hours to do the job. From cleaning the gardening tools to organizing the paint cans to hanging EVERYTHING up to hauling five trash cans worth of stuff to the curb its a dirty job. The final task is to powerwash the floor and the garage exterior. Dad loves powerwashing because it is a serious powertool but it isn't dangerous enough to kill anyone. It can be used to clean anything and everything. Dad will spend 60% of his time powerwashing just because he can. While he is out there he may just strip the paint off the car. Why? The answer is why not!!! Powerwashers are the duct tape of the cleaning world, they can do it all.

When Dad is done with his task, he will call you in to check out his skills and give a brief tutorial on where everything is now. Just nod and zone out because in a week everything will be in disarray. It is the Chaos Theory at work.