#118 Not Knowing What He Got You for Christmas:

It is two days after Christmas, so by now you’ve already broken at least half of your toys and stained 3 of you brand new shirts. I wish New Year’s came with gifts. The remaining gifts are either durable or require an exchange, so it is time to pester Dad for a ride to the mall. The conversation usually goes a little something like this:

“Daaaad…will you take me to the mall?”
“What for? You just got a ton of gifts!”
“I have to exchange this shirt.”
“That’s a great shirt though! Did Grandma get it for you?”
“No—you did.”

That is when you realize Dad has no idea what he got you for Christmas. So that’s why you got the R rated movies and Slim Shady LP with Parental Advisory sticker. We know Dad is an advocate of the list, but to follow it entirely without knowledge of what he is getting is pretty impressive. The salesman at Target even threw in the see-through purple N64 controller because he knew you’d want it.

The other classic move is that Dad has no idea what size you are for clothing. While Santa knows your size because he watches you when you’re sleeping or awake, Dad takes a guess because “you grow faster by the minute.” It becomes clear that Mom bought you the shirts. It’s even clearer as you witness Dad not even dressing himself as mother returns with fresh clothing for him every so often.

So let that be a lesson to kids for future years: be very precise with what you want. If you want Heelys, you better be specific, otherwise you’ll end up with the new Skechers Shape Ups that match Mom’s pair.