Friday, February 15, 2013

#125: Trench Coats

We are getting towards that time of the year where the weather changes almost hourly (or in Chicago every 5 minutes) but no matter what temperature it is, clouds or no clouds, humidity, whatever, there will ALWAYS be precipitation. Snow, Sleet, Rain, Hail, Thundersnow (never forget Snowpocalypse 2011), acid rain, the list goes on. The world will batter you until you are soaking wet waiting for the school bus but you do your best in rain boots and a shell jacket. But Dad has to roll in style AND stay bone dry. How does he do it? Simple...a trench coat.

Trench Coats are a perfect Dad clothing item because they are timeless yet antiquated, functional yet not cool, and have pockets for everything. How do you think Inspector Gadget could hold all those cool toys? It wasn't just the biomechanically enhanced body, it was the infinite amount of pockets holding stuff to defeat Dr. Claw. In fact I am certain every character in Goldeneye64 wears a trench coat to hold the 90+ weapons within arm's reach. And what are Inspector Gadget and James Bond? DADS of course (you bet your butt Bond has an illegitimate somewhere in Monoco or Prague).

Every Dad looks the same in a trench coat because I am sure there is only one trench coat maker and they only make one color: faded olive/khaki. It isn't a trench coat if it isn't off-brown. And the coat is almost always soaking wet because Dad had to walk from the train station home. It does provide a shelter from the elements because rain slides right off, wind cups around Dad like a swift moving blanket, hail bounces off like Dad is wearing Kevlar. It is the shining plated armor of the suburbs. And much like sweater vests and braided belts, trench coats are fit for any occasion. Versatility at its finest.

So when you are out there shivering your butt off because the rain just went down the back of your neck and your entire body is damp just remember that even though Dad looks like he is straight out of the 1920s he is dry and warm underneath that wondrous cloak. And if he pulls it off like the Dad above, he will look straight bad ass.

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