Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Most Dads have limited experience in cooking. Their idea of cooking is standing over a grill, flipping the occasional burger and/or steak, and drinking a beer. However, there is that one other sacred rite of the Dad that they consider their apex of cookery. Everyone has experienced waking up to the smell of bacon and coming into the kitchen they are welcomed to the sight of dear old Dad slinging hash and flapjacks like he is working the griddle at Dennys. Dads around the world love making massive breakfast on a Sunday Morning.
It is always pretty standard breakfast fare: eggs, pancakes or waffles, bacon, sausage, and orange juice. However Dad always insists that these are not normal pancakes, they are “Dad’s World Famous Pancakes” which really means he just followed the recipe on the Bisquick box and made the pancakes into a Mickey Mouse shape. Dad always makes the bacon just a little different than you want it either cooked way too long or barely at all so you have this wiggly piece of pork belly snaking down your throat.
The other main feature of the Dad Breakfast Banquet is how…much…food he makes. The family probably shops at Costco so Dad is going to be utilizing a ten pound box of Bisquick, four dozen eggs, and about five pounds of meats. You better believe that Dad is going to use all of the stuff he bought so there is always going to be about thirty left over pancakes that will be eaten over the next few days as substitutes for bread. No matter how much bacon Dad makes, it will always be gone by the end of the meal because bacon is too damn good to waste.
After the five course breakfast is over, the family is left with a kitchen that looks like it has been through a war. There is batter in every crevice, bacon fat streaked across the counter, and the dog is in a food coma from catching all the scraps Dad dropped on the floor. This is when Dad usually leaves the premises for a good Sunday walk (in his White New Balances of course) while the family is left with spraying down the whole kitchen. Thank God for the Dad provided meal fit for a person who just got kicked off The Biggest Loser.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
If you are a Dad, you are going to need shoes for jogging, walking around the block, dragging your kids to a museum, and of course "puttering around the house". A Dad needs a versatile pair of shoes that can fit any scenario and that is why Dads always have at least one pair of white new balance shoes. But why do they have to be New Balances? Well, because they are comfortable and support a wide array of flat feet (which nearly every Dad has) and bad heels and they are a generic white and gray color. Does anyone know when their Dad bought a pair of these shoes? The answer is of course they don't. Hospitals give them out as standard issue to all new Dads right after their kid is born. Dads across America rejoice in wearing these icons of fatherhood so much that they usually purchase more than one pair at a time so they do not have to waste time going to the store to get another pair or in case their favorite flavor of white New Balances is discontinued.
Style and appearance is everything when it comes to being a dad. You have to talk the talk and most importantly, walk the walk. Strolling through downtown suburbia after a kid's Saturday morning AYSO soccer game in white New Balances is the ultimate fashion statement for a father.