Monday, January 24, 2011

#3 Massive Sunday Breakfasts

Most Dads have limited experience in cooking. Their idea of cooking is standing over a grill, flipping the occasional burger and/or steak, and drinking a beer. However, there is that one other sacred rite of the Dad that they consider their apex of cookery. Everyone has experienced waking up to the smell of bacon and coming into the kitchen they are welcomed to the sight of dear old Dad slinging hash and flapjacks like he is working the griddle at Dennys. Dads around the world love making massive breakfast on a Sunday Morning.

It is always pretty standard breakfast fare: eggs, pancakes or waffles, bacon, sausage, and orange juice. However Dad always insists that these are not normal pancakes, they are “Dad’s World Famous Pancakes” which really means he just followed the recipe on the Bisquick box and made the pancakes into a Mickey Mouse shape. Dad always makes the bacon just a little different than you want it either cooked way too long or barely at all so you have this wiggly piece of pork belly snaking down your throat.

The other main feature of the Dad Breakfast Banquet is how…much…food he makes. The family probably shops at Costco so Dad is going to be utilizing a ten pound box of Bisquick, four dozen eggs, and about five pounds of meats. You better believe that Dad is going to use all of the stuff he bought so there is always going to be about thirty left over pancakes that will be eaten over the next few days as substitutes for bread. No matter how much bacon Dad makes, it will always be gone by the end of the meal because bacon is too damn good to waste.

After the five course breakfast is over, the family is left with a kitchen that looks like it has been through a war. There is batter in every crevice, bacon fat streaked across the counter, and the dog is in a food coma from catching all the scraps Dad dropped on the floor. This is when Dad usually leaves the premises for a good Sunday walk (in his White New Balances of course) while the family is left with spraying down the whole kitchen. Thank God for the Dad provided meal fit for a person who just got kicked off The Biggest Loser.

1 comment:

  1. don't forget the 3 pounds of cheese he always puts in omelets... or the indignation he expresses if there's any food left before he peaces out in his nb's