#39 The Wallet

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Dads have to carry a lot of important things with them at all times. Whenever someone needs to open a can of whatever, Dad will pull out his Swiss Army Knife with 30 attachments to get the job done. “I always carry around my Swiss Army Knife because you never know when something needs to be fixed” is what he will say but you know he only uses it for the toothpick after he polishes off a rack of ribs and the occasional odd job. Dad is not MacGyver no matter how badly he wants to be. However, there is one essential tool in every Dad’s arsenal that is necessary for Dad’s functioning…the wallet.

Dad has to store a lot of things on the go and he never knows when he will need to use them. Parking valet tickets, receipts from Starbucks, the New Balance hotline for his newly purchased white tennis shoes…everything needs to be on hand because a Dad needs to be prepared for anything. Dad’s wallet is the archives, the file system which keeps everything in place until called upon. Have you ever seen Dad look through his wallet? It is a deep cavern of paper that looks like a mess to the untrained eye, but Dad will always find what he needs. How did Dad find that receipt? There were 30 that look just like it in his wallet! Dad knows where everything is in his wallet. It is a very sophisticated system.

Dad’s wallet is not for the weak. It is NOT a money clip. It is a leather bound device that is often thicker than a deck of cards. Due to this staggering dimension, Dad must always remove his wallet from his back pocket whenever he sits down for more than five minutes. He will always come up with an excuse like, “It just hurts my back too darn much to sit on this thing!” The ultimate Dad will actually require medical intervention when a Doctor says that it is unhealthy to have a four inch height difference between back pockets because Dad is carrying an encyclopedia in his wallet. When you sit down for dinner the wallet is out. When the family gets into the car, the wallet is placed in a cup holder. It is a gift and a curse to have such an amazing depository of information within an arm’s reach.

Dad also uses his wallet for business contacts. Sometimes a light bulb will appear above his head and he will shuffle through the bowels of his wallet and out will come a single business card. Before you know it Dad is on his blackberry (Dad doesn’t need one of those newfangled icalls or whatever it is) calling a business customer for a new order. Dad is always on patrol with his trusty wallet. He even keeps at least 10 business cards of his own in the wallet for distribution because he would rather give someone his card than awkwardly spell out his email address.

Wallets can be used in many ways. They can be used as decoration, just to hold cash, or for keeping credit cards in their place. Dad’s wallets, however, are a sacred realm; a place where an infinite amount of paper can be stored. Much like Hermione’s handbag in the Harry Potter books, Dad’s wallet can store just about everything and Dad can find exactly what he needs almost immediately. It truly is a special tool for any Dad.