Thursday, March 15, 2012

#76: The Sandwich

There are the times when Dad grills out and ends up cooking an entire cow. There are the times when Dad makes massive Sunday breakfasts and ends up forcing you to eat a dozen egg omelet. There are the times when Dad makes dinner and makes a four pound pasta masterpiece. So why would it be any different than when Dad makes himself a sandwich?

Dads have a voracious appetite which fuels the engine to get them through work, commuting home, walking around the block, and then coaching your tee ball team. They need lots of food in a short time span. The sandwich is ideal because it is easy to make and can hold a lot of stuff in a small package. Most people are okay with a simple PB&J or turkey sandwich, but when Dad has the time (aka Sunday afternoon) the sandwich construction rivals building the Hoover Dam.

The bread will always be something gross that kids don’t like (i.e. Rye bread) but Dads love. There will be half a dozen meats layered thicker than Dad’s wallet. Ham, turkey, roast beef, corned beef, beluga whale, and kangaroo stacked up with a brick of cheese smothering the flesh. Half a head of lettuce and four tomatoes provide the texture, but Dad really puts them on there because he thinks it makes this monstrosity healthy. The finishing touch is mustard and lots of it. And never just yellow mustard. It has to be some really weird, dark spicy mustard that makes you gag just getting a waft of it. The same goes for sauerkraut. Dads love the taste of mustard and sauerkraut not only because their taste buds are dying and they can’t taste anything, but they provide security that no one will eat their sandwich.No kid likes the taste of mustard and sauerkraut so the sandwich remains untouched, just how Dad likes it.My Dad always used to say things like sauerkraut are an “acquired taste”. I must be getting close to Dadness because I like it now.

After sandwich consumption which is accompanied by potato chips, milk, and a massive pickle, Dad will saunter over to his chair and “rest his eyes”. Slipping off into a deep nap with snoring that will crack the house’s concrete foundation, we realize that being a Dad is a hard job. Eating is something Dad takes very seriously.

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