Thursday, March 29, 2012

#78: Huge Eyeglasses

Dads are required to be on alert at all times. They need to have an awareness of their surroundings so when their kid starts crying or a couch needs to be napped on they can spring into action. Having good eyesight is important, but as Dads mature their eyesight tends to go with it. That is where glasses come in handy. But these aren’t any normal glasses, these are 80s style goggle glasses.

Dad doesn’t need to be trendy, he needs to be functional. Like a well oiled machine all parts need to be at their optimum performance. He can’t rely on some slim designer glasses that do not provide a full field of view; he needs big lenses so he can spot White New Balances on sale out of the corner of his eye. He needs them so when you go to a dark restaurant he doesn’t have to constantly move the menu back and forth to find the right distance from his eyes to read it. Of course he will still do this while saying, “I have old eyes” or “I used to have great eyesight”. Whatever Dad, do they have ketchup here?

He will almost certainly have attachments as well. Dad is not old enough to have grandpa’s (aka Master Dad) wraparound sunglasses but he isn’t dumb enough to carry an extra pair of shades. Solution: clip-on sunglasses. Now he can shield his eyes from the sun while embarrassing you! He thinks he is so cool because he looks like Principal Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but you think he looks stupid as he constantly flips his clip-ons up and down. Of course they are flipped up when that cute girl from science class walks by and she notices. Dad’s mission of embarrassment is complete. It is what they live for.

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