Thursday, January 3, 2013

#119: Tevas

We at That's So Dad hold a few basic tenets that truly represent Dads. A big one is clothing choices. Every article of clothing from head to toe has been scrutinized. We all know that White New Balance Shoes are the official footwear of Dads everywhere but there is a special shoe that we have not recognized. It is the official summer shoe of Dads: The Teva.

Tevas are perfect for Dads because they are functional, keep their feet cool, and look totally ridiculous. They fulfill Dad's mission of being comfy and embarrassing the kids at the same time. As soon as the weather hits above 55 degrees (70 for you wusses down South or in California) and the snow is gone Tevas are in full effect. Dad will wear them for a walk into town, to AYSO games, and of course Disney World and other theme parks. For maximum embarrassment he will sometimes throw on a pair of Tube Socks to get the full Dad/German tourist effect. It is elegant and awful at the same time.

Tevas are also prevalent when Dad drags the family on a camping and/or canoeing trip. He can trudge through dirt, mud, streams, rapids, thickets, post-Apocalyptic Australia, the River Styx, and Baghdad circa 2006 without a care in the world. His feet are armed with the equivalent of tank treads so he will be able to navigate the camp ground with perfect ease.

Dads always look for function over form and Tevas are the perfect example. Dad considers it a lost summer if by Labor Day he does not have the Teva Strap tan on his feet. He has failed his family in Dadness, but at least he has succeeded in maximum embarrassment. Just remember to look away and ignore him when he waves to you while waiting for ice cream at the zoo. Even though every other kid feels the same shame because their Dads are wearing Tevas too.

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