#43: Morning Coffee

Like any well oiled machine or highly tuned athlete, Dad requires a steady stream of nutrition in order to perform at a high level. For the athletes this usually means five small meals a day containing leafy greens, lean meat and fish, and a controlled portion of pasta. For Dad that means a cheeseburger for lunch (cheating on his “diet” when mom is not around), a bowl of cereal for dinner, and that almighty beverage sent from the heavens for all Dads to rejoice over. Of course that means morning coffee…lots of it.

Whether your Dad calls it coffee, joe, java, or any of the other names he has for that steaming cup of wake up juice, every Dad understands the importance of a steady stream of coffee running through their veins. It is the only way Dad can truly function throughout the day, and in the mornings it is the only way he can truly be alive. “I HAVE TO HAVE MY COFFEE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!” He shouts when someone asks him a question as he rises from bed. Once he has that first sip, Dad is feeling good and ready to take on the world. Is Dad addicted to coffee? He might be, but it is better than heroin.

As Dad gets ready to head off to work, he reaches into the dishwasher and pulls out his special “To Go Mug”. You know that it is not really a mug; rather it is a keg with a handle and a smaller diameter bottom to fit into the cup holder of Dad’s car. The thing is seriously a gallon and a half cauldron capable of keeping coffee hot until The Judgment Day. He says he has it because the coffee at work is awful, “That instant coffee stuff, GROSS!” He says he needs it to help him stay focused on his work too. You don’t know what Dad does, something with numbers and spreadsheets. All you know is that when the teacher asks you what Dad does for a job, you reply with the same answer as everyone else. My Dad is a businessman.

You wonder how Dad can drink that stuff. You once took a sip of it and gagged. Dad pats you on the back, assuring you that you will be drinking coffee when you are older and that it actually tastes good. Whether Dad drinks his coffee black or with enough cream that it is almost certainly a 50-50 mix with coffee, Dad has to maintain this morning ritual or else the whole day is thrown off. And that is unacceptable.