IT’S SATURDAY MORNING!!! TIME FOR CARTOONS, PAJAMAS AND SUGARY CEREAL UNTIL YOU THROW UP! This moment makes all the teachers’ dirty looks worth it. As you slide into the kitchen pantry, you can’t decide whether to eat Lucky Charms or Cap’n Crunch. Both have nutritional value, and both are advertised by your favorite cartoon characters. That’s when disaster strikes and all you see in the pantry is a box of whole grain bran cereal: Dad’s cereal.
As much as Dad loves succulent flavor involved for his steaks and Sunday morning breakfasts, Dad hates taste in the morning. Dad’s goal for the morning is to choke down enough coffee so he isn’t a zombie and enough bran cereal so that he can disappear into the bathroom for 20-30 minutes before work. Something to do with Fiber?
Dad once tricked you into trying a bowl of his bran cereal, claiming that all cereals are the same. No. Not all cereals taste like cardboard. Dad tries to compromise by buying Raisin Bran, but you won’t fall for that one. Raisins do not disguise cardboard. And you can barely choke down a bowl of plain Cheerios without at least 3 cups of sugar. To make matters worse, Dad buys off brand bran cereal. Dad won’t even shell out for Kellogg’s or Fiber One, instead opting for Arrowhead Mills “because it’s organic!”
The crunch of bran cereal is the worst. How can Dad read the newspaper in the morning with the sound of jackhammers in his mouth. You may chew with your mouth open, but at least its quieter than Dad’s bran cereal. What is bran even made of—nails? So while Dad strolls into the kitchen to help himself to a hearty bowl and offers you some, you slyly move to the toaster. “No thanks Dad, I’ll just have some Pop-tarts with my cartoons.” Still a solid Saturday morning.