Wednesday, March 2, 2011

#12 The Dance

Now Dad likes his music. And He isn't afraid to tell you about it. Furthermore, Dad isn't afraid to dance to it. Dads have two types of dances.

1. The Conservative Dance:
Dad dances with his arms at his sides. They alternate and raise only to shoulder length at random times culminating with an off-beat snap or clap. Dad's hips sway back and forth in abrupt movements because He saw Ricky Martin do it on TV. Dad taps his toes surprisingly on beat, bending his knees in order to display different heights and levels to his routine. Through this dance, Dad blends in with the crowd and is able to enjoy himself. It looks a little something like this:
Watch out though if they play either 1. Any Earth, Wind & Fire song or Motown for that matter, 2. Anything by Journey, Billy Joel or Jimmy Buffet, or 3. YMCA OR worst yet 4. That song Dad knows is your favorite because then you'll witness...

2. The Let Loose, I'mGoingToEmbarrassYou Dance:
Dad has apparently lost control of all his limbs. He flails about moving his arms in a constant form of inconsistent motions. Dad is jumping. That's not even jumping. Dad is skipping in place maybe? Uh-oh, Dad's limbs have returned so He could break it down in robot form. Dad wants everyone to see how smoothly he glides across the floor before the classic spin that actually only turns him 3/4 of the way around: "WATCH OUT NOW!" Dad yells giving his best James Brown impersonation. That's when Dad makes eye contact with you. Dad dance struts your direction as his head bobbles erratically to the beat. Dad's hand is held out for you to join in on the fun. "Now I can't stop dancing so you gotta join!" Dad exclaims right at the quiet part of the song. Everyone starts clapping for you to dance with Dad. There is no turning back now, you must embrace Dad for his dance moves that look like this:

Don't get me wrong, there is the occasional Dad who can dance well. But let's face it, those Dads probably spent their Sundays at a dance class with Mom.

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