Its summer time. You are floating in the cool pool water getting away from the July heat when you feel a presence. You instantly feel as if you are weightless as you twirl through the air and splash into the deep end of the pool. You look around trying to figure out what the hell happened when you find the culprit. Dad, with his prescription sunglasses and thick layer of sunscreen, is laughing hysterically in the shallow end because he succeeded in the great past time of throwing kids in the pool.
Dads often perform the sneak attack but they are also known for happily taking throwing requests at the family pool, community pool, and country club. When one Dad performs the throw, kids will line up like they are waiting for a roller coaster. Dads have many types of throws in the repertoire. There is the standard “bodyguard” throw named after Kevin Costner’s fine role in The Bodyguard where he protected a young Whitney Houston. This is performed by holding a person by the neck and under the knees and then throwing them via a swinging motion or if performed out of water, by performing the grapple and then walking into the pool. Another standard is the “under the armpits” where a Dad performs a two handed throw by launching the target into the air via grabbing them under the arms.
An extremely advanced maneuver is the “team approach” which requires the Dad and target to work together. The Dad throws the target into the air by launching the target via their foot/feet while the target extends their legs as if they are jumping. This results in an action that is a amazing as the trampoline double jump. A good working duo can perform launches that can put the target into low orbit or on the radar at the nearest airport. This must be performed under extreme caution but a Dad can reach legendary status if executed perfectly.
Do not be scared if a Dad throws you while you are in or near a pool. He is only doing what comes natural to him. So embrace the throwing because when you grow up into a Dad, you will do the same to your kids. It is the circle of life.