Wednesday, April 27, 2011

#26 Loud Sneezes

What is that rumbling? Was that my stomach? Am I hungry? You walk into the kitchen to quench this hunger to see Dad bracing himself against the counter holding a tissue. What just happened? As you turn around to exit the kitchen, Dad starts making noises you've only heard on cartoons.


Dad lets out a thundering sneeze that causes your Dog to perk up and scurry into your room and hide under the bed. Dad holds out the last bit like the ending of a song.
"Much better" Dad says with a sigh of relief. "Dad, is it really necessary to sneeze like that?" "How else am I supposed to get the germs out?" Dad asks quizzically. Good point.

Dad does a lot of things discreetly, but sneezing is not one of them. This is his announcement that He is Man, and that He has germs. The sneeze is a release not only of the germs but all the tension Dad has built up from day to day tasks at work, nagging from mom, as well as strain on his body still felt from putting together your Fisher-Price playset in the backyard.

It is not only the sneeze itself that is unique to Dad, but also the build up. If you're lucky, it is like watching a nature show. Dad will halt his motion and perch up. Dad wiggles the nostrils and moves his arms slowly to his sides as if a ghost has just touched the back of his neck. The sneeze is coming and there is no stopping it now. Dad sets his head back for a heaving motion while braces himself by grabbing any countertop nearby (sometimes grabbing his own belt loops or tshirt as a last resort). Dad heaves his head forward while releasing the magnificent sound that you and your friends fake to get out of class: AAAACCCHOOOOOOOOOOOOO (just when you think its over) OOOOWHHHOOOOOOOO
Dad pulls out a handkerchief from who knows where and wipes his face. "Much better," Dad smirks. Yes, Dad. It doesn't get much better than that.

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